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I've never been so down since I started the therapy. I just can't stop thinking about the next evening I'll be alone to drink and cut myself. I haven't given up on therapy, or the treatment, but I really start wondering what the point is. My therapist tried to convince me, by scaring me(?), I don't know it sounded like a sort of neutral intimidation to me, that I was in the wrong for something that I care a lot for, and after a day of coping, I just realize he actually conforted me in the idea I was right, and I am right. Nobody can't know better for me than me. And no one will convince me of the contrary. I see my psychiatrist on Thursday. I'm very skeptic about all that now.

I had taken some weight back but I'm losing it quite fast, again, I have latent persistent anxiety, somatized, so it's very pleasant all day long. I have aggravated sleeping problems again, when it started to improve. I can't be controlled. It was a mistake from him. It makes me panic to be controlled, inside. He thinks he controls me, but it never happens that way, not with me. The more you control, the more I escape from you.

I'm regressing. And I don't want to see people. I tolerate my partner, because he's helpful, positive, cool. But for the rest. I'd rather be alone. I'm actually alone all day time, and I feel pretty good about it. I spend time on facebook, lots of application, friends, philes, some family. If you want to join:

Dana Gourdon-Ribéra

Any comment about what I wrote, therapy, is welcome.

Posted by Scully at 10:29 on October 6th, 2009 at 10:29AM (updated Oct 6th, 2009)

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ahernandeztx	Posted on 11:14AM on Oct 6th, 2009 I am sorry to hear about all this. I can't say I know how you feel because honestly, I don't. I can say though that even though cutting may give you a sense of control and I'm guessing a good feeling, if you keep on doing it.....it's not gonna stop what you really are feeling inside. You need to really step up to the plate and see what's going on inside you. If it's someone you can't forgive...u are wasting yourself away...because that person in continuing on with their life....if it's something else then you need to face it and stop hurting yourself. I don't think your therapist is trying to control you andif you feel that way you should speak to him about it and maybe find a new one. Good luck to you and I will sincerely keep you in my prayers.
Scully	Posted on 11:22AM on Oct 6th, 2009 Thanks, thanks a lot. And no it's not because of someone else. It's me, only, I think I'm borderline, that's why. And I must be a control freak. Right.
ahernandeztx	Posted on 11:06PM on Oct 22nd, 2009 Well, you know one way to best understand yourself is to read up on disorders, disease,e tc. that pertain to you. I went through a hefty depression about 1 yr ago. I read and read endlessly and I found a way out. I don't know what borderline is..but I think I've heard borderline personality, right? Deep down, we are all control freaks. : ) Just remember our life is what we make of it.
Scully	Posted on 08:24AM on Oct 23rd, 2009 Sorry for your depression. I don't we're all control freaks, I've a friend (Mulder BTW), he's very let-it-be, Don't-****-it lol I don't care to be what I am. I know there're lots of possibilities and gifts, and "other" things for people like me. Just nothing adapted to us. In the real world. Lol it's ironic, because I'm not ut of reality. I'm a neurotic borderline. Well, anyways, thanks for commenting. Don't hesitate to PM me if you need. Cheers.
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