News today | scully's Blog

Hello all who reads me. 

Like you know or not, I've had a blank passage the past two weeks. I'm feeling a little better today. My antibio treatment is over this evening. I have these chronic sinustes/rhinites, and there  again. And a bad throat sur-infection. I'm still on depression/anxiety treatment, and in therapy. I shall end my psy tests (the firsts at least) on Monday. I think I'm borderline, honestly. But we'll see it's their job, they'll tell me. My generalist and I have filled in the documents for I'm admitted in long term disease. I'm supported by the center, and my psychiatrist too. That'll give me six months more to make things right, and maybe they'll start taking me seriously and engage real procedures for my illness. 100% of their pocket now. 

I'm in explosive communication with my Godmother. But I have my convictions, and way of living, and I know better than anyone what I've lived and what I saw. Not even she can influence my judgment. I'm proud of it for that. For the first time of my life, I'm not proud for something I do, but for something I am. A part of it, and I just intend to progress more. My Godmother says I'm very beautiful, and that I have a strong character. My partner said I'm not very beautiful, just beautiful, and indeed have a very bloody strong character. He's very honest, what I like. When I ask him if I took some kilos on the ass, he says yes, he doesn't bullshit me. I like that. It was strange though, to hear him say I was beautiful. He's not the kind to spare compliments. Anyway, I'm not the kind to accept them easily either. But, it felt like I was 15 and met my big love. I'm 29 and we've known for 8 years. But it feels the same. No, it feels better. It's real. 

I called Chris again, and will go on. I take it with humor now. I'm not insultant, just it's a drama I laugh about. I called Craig and left a message too. 

I really want to change name, well first name. For the name, if I have my first name, that is the very intimate root of a human being, I'll do with the name. I want to change for Dana. That's how I've been called for more than ten years (except my family, but wait, that's gonna be 9 years I haven't seen them). I made a petition. It'"s in French, but here's the link, "for the right to change name", because in France we can't, without a lawyer and a judge decides, it's nearly never granted. I wish I was English. For everybody I'm Dana, except for legal paperwork, and job. Official society. Guess why I avoid all that then. I want my own and only personality. And it's no reconstruction like I thought in the beginning, it's a construction. That means I'll become better and stronger that I've been, and it gives me confidence, and make me want to be even more independent. 

http://www.petitionduweb.com/Pour_que_le_changement_de_prenom_soit_un_droit_-4940.html

I also go to talk, sometimes on a suicide forum. It helps me. It's more positive to face what you are and want than to deny it, at least to yourself. Here's the link:

http://www.suicideforum.com/