News today | scully's Blog

What happened since the last time...?

I move on. I enjoy having time for myself. I can sleep, take care of all the paperwork, it's nearly over by now, I have my vital card, in the end. And investigate. I have no news from my legal father, don't expect some, but it was good for me to let him know I'm well aware of the evil he made, to let it go too, just for he keeps it in mind that nothing disappears without a trace. I have no news from my aunt, but as I finally decided myself to call my cousin, I know when she had the letter she called all the girls (my 3 cousins). My cousin M, I'll call her Melissa, with whom I've been in contact, taught me lots of things. I was happy first to see she didn't change, she's still very outspoken, does things like she wants, is still into medieval stuff and doesn't care if she's taken for an alien. She's in therapy, because she had a very bad car accident some years ago, and needed so. She tells me I took the good decision and to hold on my therapy. She encouraged me to try hypnoregression, and says it works well. She knows the right people who wouldn't abuse, who are certified, but I don't know. I must think about it further. She told me what she knew, without holding information, and even the few she told me did good to me, because it allows me to have another perspective on the family, larger. I realize the vision I had was mostly the vision of the kid I was. About my birth she doen't know much, and in the same time she gave me precious information. My "parents" would've gotten married in 1979, but she's not sure and will ask her mother (my Godmother). Apparently, my legal father asked my mother to abort, but she doesn't know if it was for another child before me, or me and it didn't happen, because he had been doubting his paternity, anyway. The first name that is on my ident card it was he who gave it to me, as she learnt, that could be why I hate it so much. My name should have been my third name, the name I use in the end. Weird. They changed at the last minute. It's like I re-took my name by choosing my third name. She told me my legal father had bad things in the drawer. He deturned minor girls. And there would be "something" burried in a basement. Or someone. And to me it's very weird, because I heard about the disappearance of a little girl in the building where he lived at the same period of time. He often went (with me), in the basement of that building, a long corridor with lots of doors, each rent had one, and he wanted to check on something, but he never really looked anything or took anything, nor brought anything. That's pretty weird. Her sister S, I'll call her Samantha, she's the elder of us 4, is trying to locate our great aunt, who wanted to tell the truth, and tried several times but met my grand-parents' wall. Melissa and my cousin K, I'll call her Katherine (she's the second child), didn't go yet to snoop about in the house, because Katherine isn't well (I won't give more details). But Melissa told me they would go, because we never know what may still be there. Samantha, or melissa, I don't remember, are gonna ask my aunt from Belgium (where my grand-mother lives now, no address or phone on the net), our great aunt's number, if she has it. I think it's possible that they can have it. If our great aunt doesn't know enough, Samantha said she'll go with M.C (aunt from Belgium), to see my grand-mother, to talk to her. Melissa told me she'll also watch if she can find the medical tests of my "parents" when they got married, that my legal father's blood group must be on it. She confirmed me that she, her sisters, and her mother are all A+ (as was my mother, M.C, and my two grand-parents). I'm the only one who's O+. My legal father from the memory I have of him asking me what my blood group I was, must be AB-. Impossible match. Melissa helped me realize all the energy all that have been asking me to go on everyday, that I was spoiled and deserve the truth, that she thinks it's a good thing I wrote to them. She told me that M.C fell off her ass when she read my letter, so I suppose she didn't know anything. My Godmother gave her the information about my pre-birth. Apparently, when my Godmother and mothere were little, it was strict at home. My Godmother grew up with the great grand mother (the dragon who called my mother a whore), and they didn't really take care of their children. They were stern and didn't talk much. How surprising. But it didn't work with me. It spoilt though, in spite of my resistence. She told me for them her father wasn't good enough, and when I remember how they talk about the very few friends that came home, or how my grand-mother welcomed Fox, I believe her. If Melissa's father wasn't good enough, I can imagine what they thought about my biological father, or a married man, or an adventurer/ writer. An artist. I wasn't only lied to about my origins, but about how things really happened.  Maybe my mother didn't want to marry that dumpster freak. It seems there is a similar family secret. Melissa told me the girls may have another sister. From the count I made, she should be 22/23. She's trying to find her to tell her she has a father, but she has little information.  She said there's light at the end of the tunnel. 

I'm still following my treatment and I'm doing better. It's not the top, but I'm more balanced. Maybe I'll need another month to fully recover, or be emotionally ready to start working again, or more be in contact with people, that's exhausting. The ideal should be to have a job where I'm completely autonomous. I'm still in therapy, I hold on. I have homework for next week, make my genogram. In the same time, being told the truth and discover what happened slowly, makes me better at communicating with people. The knots are unfolding. Maybe I'll understand why Christopher I've seen several times on the street never gets closer. Things must turn clearer. 

Lots of way have been made. 

Last WE we went to Cap Sciences with Fox. It was an expo about the nanotechnologies. Everything was interesting but I went a lot to see what they had to say about medecine/ neuroscience, and the environment. They're currently working on nanocrystals (neuroscience), that shows the nerves activity fixing on proteins, and it could be helpful to cure diseases like Parkinson, Alzheimer etc... also they're testing vectorial nanotechs (in gold) that would target squarrely the sick cells, for cancer especially, and wouldn't destroy the rest of the body, and its immunity. I cross my fingers for it works. I participted to a TP (travaux pratiques = pratical work), it's experiences to build a carbon nanotube (a false of course, a true one is very expensive). Why carbon? Well carbon is very solid, resistent, and, when you build a mollecule in science, with plastic atoms, they have three entries/links (to simplify). Carbon has four, it can make 4 simple links, two double links, or a simple link + a triple link. It's very flexible. Carbon is flawless (so to speak). It was quite cool. I wanted to go to the Natural Science Museum, but it's closed until 2012! :(

I write, a little. When I can concentrate more. And when I feel my mind is tired, I have a break. I ordered a fountain pen for lefties in the end. As I said, it helped me when I had so much difficulties to write righty. It was easier to form my letters. That lefty junior pen has a grip, and it's made to learn. And for the ink dries faster. And it costs the same as a pen for righty. 

For now.