New way? | scully's Blog

Some news. Maybe I'm starting to feel less guilty I was born. I write to members of my family, just to tell them what I've lived, the lies of that family, the lack of trust. I though I made a choice when I left them, but it wasn't really a choice in fact, it was a logical consequence, following my natural character, to a chain of events. I wrote to my legal father, and it asked me lots of guts to do that, and to one aunt, my younger mother's sister. I don't know if I'll have answers, but there's no reason why I have to bear the mistakes/choices adults, responsible adults, made before I was even born. I know people make mistakes, we all do, but go on making the same mistake again and again when asked repeatedly for the contrary, it's crualty. 

I also contacted a colleague of my relative (bio father's family, yes it's unbelievable I still don't know which man is my father, although I have a certain idea on the matter). I could contact her again, I could contact other of his colleagues, his family. After all, he was on my street 2 years and a half ago. I'll go far for the truth. 

I go on with the treatment and the therapy, I really hold on because it bugs me. No more comment. I remember a lot my dreams. 

I go on writing left-handed. I read about lefty junior fountain pen, it's not so expensive, that could be good for me. I remember when I was told to have a "retarded" handwriting, when I wrote righty, I wrote better with a fountain pen. That lefty fountain pen has a grip. I must think about it. I think about going to a psychomotrician, but it's expensive I think, it depends on who, it's not recognized. My psychologist knows one. he told me he would see for me. but I have a limited trust, and I watch on my side. I had my eyes tested, and since I write, and use more my left hand, my sight has become more balanced. My right eye as in "serious" condition, meaning, my eye sight was decreasing. Now it's more equal, although my left eye is still both stronger and preferred. I also a treatment (drops) for my strabism (right eye), certainly due to being forced righty too, and left-eyed.